Truth and beauty.

“Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength.” ― Sigmund Freud

Dallas Half Marathon - December 2012

I received a Facebook message from a former student that read: "You look incredible, and my goal is to look that awesome at my 25th reunion!! You continue to be an inspiration". This was, for me, the culmination of many comments and compliments that I have received during the past year. It was Homecoming weekend at my university and, along with enjoying the opportunity to see many former students, I also participated in my 25th class reunion. As a result, I encountered a significant number of people who I haven't seen in years as well as there were a number of pictures posted on Facebook of me with friends and students at the weekend's events. I am striving to best navigate the affirmation along with the odd and sometimes awkward comments I receive regarding the changes I have made in how I present myself publicly. I'm learning to be slightly more comfortable responding and attempting not to deflect all of it. I have taken action and made choices that have impacted my physical appearance. No one told me I ought to do so or even suggested that such changes were necessary. I consistently seek to improve; to be my best in all quadrants of my life. However, I didn't see my appearance as an area that I wanted to change. It seemed easier to deflect attention away from my appearance. I'm not unlike many women in that I struggle with body image and perceptions of self as well as the tension between outward beauty and inner substance. My best friend has been privy to each step I have taken, challenge I've faced, and risk I have welcomed over the past year. She has helped by going shopping with me, responding to random texted pictures from outlet malls and department stores, and by offering fashion and relationship advice. However, she has done much more, and it is that much more for which I am most grateful this year.


Jennifer's care, love, friendship, and belief in me have been the true difference makers in this season of my life. She created a space in which I could experience the courage to act and the belief I was lacking in myself through being authentic, honest, and genuine. This has required her to sacrifice her time and energy of which there is precious little to spare along with her willingness to trust, be patient, and love unconditionally. I want to acknowledge her with each compliment I receive. When someone points out what I'm wearing, I regularly respond with self deprecating humor that I have a personal shopper and no actual fashion sense of my own! My desire to credit her care for me is why I share so many of those words of affirmation that I receive with her. It's not because I feel unworthy of them or that I didn't make my own choices to grow and improve. I am willing to take credit for being who I was, who I am, and who I am becoming. Nevertheless, I need to acknowledge the transformational role that Jennifer's friendship has played in my arrival at this particular place in my life. It is a picture of true friendship to me. But, it likely doesn't look like what some might assume.  Jennifer McQuade and I may make for unlikely friends in the eyes of some.  But, I continue to be surprised by God's love as he directs us towards the relationships that will make us more like Him.


I want to share this publicly because this wasn't my goal. The "looking incredible"; the compliments; the appearance. I want people to understand that improved health, holistic wellness, and care for oneself should be at the center of any health and fitness goals; not the number on the scale, the image in the mirror, the compliments offered by friends or strangers. If my appearance has improved or been transformed in the process, that's added blessing and joy. I want others to understand that while Jennifer did play a significant role in how I perceive myself, she didn't tell me that I needed to dress better or wear make up or change my image in order to be her friend.  Even she was shocked when I started wearing pink!  Anyone who knows me well, knows that I would flatly reject such suggestions and the person making them.  Friends make a powerful difference in our lives.  They can help us to make radically positive changes in our lives and self perceptions or they can stunt our growth, damage our self esteem, and even contribute towards regression. I've read a number of studies that statistically demonstrate that individuals with friends who are overweight are significantly more likely to be overweight themselves.  Peer pressure rarely seems to work to our benefit! However, Jennifer was able to spur my growth without requiring it of me. She is a pusher, but that push continues to come with great empathy and kindness.  

VHA Musical Gala - October 2013

Sharing this demands vulnerability. It may be challenging, difficult, or even offensive for some to hear. Jennifer may not care for the attention. Nevertheless, I want to express my gratitude for this year, for change, for friendship. It is my desire in doing so to urge others to love themselves well and to love others transformationally. Be vulnerable. Be honest. Look for the best in your friends and then push them to be better. Celebrate their growth rather than stifling it. Oscar Wilde said, “Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success.”  Thanks be to God for a friend who can do both.