It's November. Facebook is all a-flurry with daily expressions of gratitude. Some are light, frivolous, and humorous expressions while others are deep, heartfelt, and vulnerable. Of course, expressing one's many thanks to God, the cosmos, or those most cherished can be inspiring to others and healthy for the individual. I enjoy reading what my many friends, colleagues, and students share. I anticipate those moments when I might be recognized for my contribution to someone's life. I think about posting. I do. However, I struggle with the idea as well. The reasons are complex and many, but primarily it has to do with a daily practice that I now keep.
Five years ago I began keeping a journal with daily entries. I was challenged to do this by Dr. Karen Longman, Professor of Higher Education at Azusa Pacific University. I have been privileged to sit under her teaching on several occasions including at the CCCU Women's Leadership Develop Institute at Cedar Springs Retreat Center in upstate Washington. She shared a practice she maintained of ending her day reflecting on the three best or good things that had occurred in her life on that day. I'm sure my practice has evolved over these five years to become something of my own making. I maintain this habit as I want to live a life of gratitude and focus upon the many blessings in my life rather than those aspects of it that most challenge me. The top of each page in my journal is currently headed with "Thanks Be to God. Today's Blessings...". I delineate the three blessings of my day. I have done this daily without exception other than for one month. This was the month immediately following my cycling accident. It wasn't that I didn't have MUCH for which to be thankful, but rather had difficulty with routine, clarity, and simple daily activity.
I value the past. I anticipate the future. This daily discipline not only gives me a record of the past, but also enables to focus on the beauty of this day. I am intrigued that the journal entries can often be easier to make on the harder days. The light seems to stand out in the darkness. Generally pleasant days are wonderful, but the beauty doesn't pop like it does when life is ugly. Regardless, I maintain this as a daily practice. And...on occasion, I read past entries. At times, those entries inspire me and give me clarity and understanding. Other times, I find myself saddened by the loss of people for whom I cared or the memory of a particularly difficult or lonely period in my life. I love to look back and see when a friendship actually started. There are ways this journal keeping is not unlike my obsessive logging of each run and bike ride I complete. It keeps me honest. I can spot growth and decline. I also imagine people for whom I care reading these entries after I'm gone. I wonder what they will think of me. Will they be surprised, challenged, inspired, disappointed? I'm not sure. Perhaps they will experience all of these responses.
I want to live a life of gratitude. I never want to take the blessings in my life for granted any more than I want to allow the challenges that I face to prevent me from finding joy and experiencing growth. In Matthew 5.35, Christ says "for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous". That concept has done much to inform my theology and shape my worldview. I'm no more deserving of blessing or curse than any other creature. If this is the case, it challenges me to live with gratitude for all that occurs. In Philippians 4.12, Paul echos this truth when he says, "I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need". He says this in response to expressions of concern by the church at Philippi and concludes with the oft quoted statement that he is able to do all things through the strength of Christ. I am challenged to be both grateful and content by God's word. At various times, I have found both to be quite challenging. However, I want to live my life as a daily expression of thanks to God and to be content with my circumstances even as I strive to improve my own life and the community in which I am placed.
With what is remaining of this month, I plan to post some entries regarding those things for which I'm most grateful and the ways that God is working in my life through them. I hope to challenge myself and others as well as to celebrate the gifts that I am experiencing.
Thanks be to God.
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