"You like me! You really like me!"

The frequently misquoted words of Sally Field upon winning the Oscar in 1984 for Places in the Heart are suddenly ringing true for me.

It's impossible for me to innumerate the times I have said "I don't need you to tell me that I did a good job; I just need you to ask me to do something."  I have told supervisors that I don't need their words of praise or thanks.  In fact, I'm extremely uncomfortable when anyone compliments me professionally or personally; privately or publicly.  I have had to work hard not to deflect words of affirmation when they come.  Imagine my response when the person who knows me best recently said that she thought my "love language" was "words of affirmation"!  However, I now think that all of this may be a case of "the lady doth protest too much".

I'm a doer.  I have an inner drive to be productive; to achieve.  I have struggled with guilt over taking vacation days.  If my friends, colleagues, or students are hurting, I NEED to DO something.  I value hard work, long hours, and to do lists.  Rest is a challenge for me in my profession, my fitness, my life.  I get tremendous personal satisfaction when I'm asked to do something.  When I was asked if I would allow my name to be on the deacon ballot at my church, I had to deal with this challenge.  I receive affirmation by being asked to serve and, in this circumstance, that was not the right reason to serve.  I needed to know that God was calling me to this role.  I wrestled with myself and prayed to God and talked to a dear friend.  In the end, I was ordained and am humbled to serve my church in this fashion.  Nevertheless, ask me to speak at your event, serve on your committee, meet with your friend, help your student, teach you something...THIS is my love language.  As a result, I convinced myself that I did not need to be verbally affirmed.

My mother has always been extremely frugal with praise.  I have said this is why I'm so generous with it.  I love to encourage my students in even the smallest of victories.  Due to the death of my father when I was young, I find it incredibly important to tell the people for whom I care most what they mean to me and tell them frequently.  I never considered that I was so liberal with my praise of others because I was craving it so much myself.  I know that my mother is proud of me, but it has always been difficult not to hear it directly from her.  Now that she is consciously trying to offer it, I don't know how to respond.  I never learned to do so.

Words matter!  And, to me they matter more than almost anything.  I just didn't realize the particular words that I needed in the depths of my soul.  I thought I knew myself really well.  I'm introspective and self-analytical to a fault.  I've taken tons of personality inventories both serious and comical.  I'm the campus "StengthsQuest Guru" for goodness sake.  How could I have missed something so significant in my own psychological make up?  I've spent my entire adult life denying myself the expression of love that I actually need in order to breath, experience joy, and find affirmation.  I'm seeing it everywhere now.  I'm still a doer, but it's in the asking that I find the affirmation more than in the actual doing.  May I now learn to receive and cherish all of those words in grace and humility.

My ever changing Imago Dei

What if that decision you just made was the lynch pin that changes everything? If you were cognizant of that fact, would you still make it? Depends, right? Change is a daunting experience. I anticipate change being painful. Yet, in the end, it is often a blessing.

"Stay the same. Never change." - How many high school yearbooks have been signed with those words? And, yet growth is a form of change. It has been said by many an inspirational speaker, "if you aren't growing; then you are dying." My experience has taught me that many people in our lives would prefer it if we remained static, predictable, the same. However, life demands growth.

What if that small decision that you make today impacts your life in profoundly unexpected ways? Nine years ago today I made a decision. My health was good in that I wasn't sick. I'm one of those people who is just "healthy as a horse". Nevertheless, I was obese and had been for over half of my life. I decided to change my mindset towards food. I weighed myself (something I had rarely dared to do) and tipped the scales at 249 pounds. The decision I made that day was to bring my eating habits to a conscious level. I would simply begin thinking about what I was eating and would choose to eat more fruits and vegetables and less sugar and fast food. That's it. I know goals help. So...I decided that a reasonable goal was to attempt to be under 200 pounds by my 40th birthday which was basically 11 months from that date.

In the end, I radically transformed every aspect of my life.

I look different.

I feel different.

I spend my time in different ways.

I think differently.

I have different relationships with different types of people.

I work differently.

I believe differently.

But, am I different? Have I changed? I am still an image bearer of God. I was before; I always will be. We are all the Imago Dei. Am I more in God's image today than I was nine years ago? If God is unchanging, is his image reflected in me immutable? My image has changed. Some would argue that it has improved. And yet, being the Imago Dei indicates that I have value apart from my usefulness or function. I am an image bearer regardless of the image that I see in the mirror.

Nevertheless, I know that as the Imago Dei I am also the temple of the God most High. The temple can flourish and it can crumble. It is tangible, corruptible, and temporal. Yet, it is also the holy of holies. I believe that I must care for it as a place of worship and a reflection of the one I worship. We are instructed to glorify God in all things and scripture actually uses what we eat and drink as examples.

I am committed to growth. I am committed to the One whose image I bear. I am committed to being His temple. I love that part of me which reveals Him and worships Him. While I know God loves me in my fallen state and accepts me "Just as I am", I believe that I please and honor Him when I pursue holiness and strive in my infinite weakness to glorify Him in my body. Yes, as the Imago Dei I have value. However, as N.T. Wright says, “You become like what you worship.” May my image become more like His.