I hope that my life and words continue to bring hope and healing to students in need. Here is what I shared:
Is anyone here perfect?
Are any of you walking or running an easy path? Do you believe that growth comes from a life
of comfort and luxury? If so, this isn’t
for you because I am here to bring good news to those who have known
devastation, disappointment, failure, loneliness, despair…a life of ashes made
from circumstances and your own choices.
So…if that’s not news that you need to hear…you can slip out or tune
out. I won’t be offended.
At the Success Center dedication on Friday, Dr. Whitlock
made mention of my title, Director of Student Success, and said that is a heavy
title to wear. And…it is. But, make no mistake…I am not successful all
of the time and, if I have succeeded in my life…it is due to three things: a life marked by pain and failure, an
attitude of hope and resilience, and the unmerited grace and favor of God.
In 1965, two high school sweethearts in rural Oklahoma were
facing a difficult decision. She was
pregnant. She offered to go into hiding
to have the baby and give it up for adoption, but he insisted they marry. They were in love, but their immediate plans
for the future hadn’t involved marriage.
Nevertheless, at 18…they married and gave birth to a baby girl. Uneducated but determined and hard
working…they made a go of it. By the
time they were 25, they were expecting a second child, he was a paint store
manager, and they owned their modest first home. Their life was good if not lavish. He took being a hard worker to the extreme
and neglected his personal health. He
entered his 30s battling stress and weight related illnesses and by the time he
was 35..he was facing imminent death from cancer. His death left her…now a part time secretary
with no education…alone to raise their 9 year old son and…their 16 year old
illegitimate daughter. It’s a tragic
story and the outcome of this family could be one of disappointment, failure,
and sadness. However, I stand as
testament to you today…that as Isaiah 61.4 says of Judah…”they shall build up
the ancient ruins, they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall
repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations.” That 16 years old fatherless child from unwed
teen parents is me.
At times in my life…I have had the nerve to tell God that I
have suffered enough. And…while my life
has been marked with moments of great blessing and joy…it has continued to be
marked with ruin, devastation…and ashes.
I was the first in my family to attend college. OBU was my dream and had been since I first
stepped on the campus in the 4th grade. Nevertheless, our financial situation had
taken a turn for the worse and we were living below the poverty line when it
was time for me to choose a college. My
mother is a financial wizard, but as a child of farmers, not one to ask for
assistance. So…we didn’t apply for
financial aid. My mom determined that I
could attend a public university near home and so I did. But…that dream of OBU lingered
constantly. In fact, I spent my first
weekend of college at OBU rather than at my school. Eventually, I had to stop visiting Bison Hill
as the pain of not being here was too great.
I worked in the summers at a camp with an amazing group of women from
OBU and eventually that led me to be persistent. I transferred here to start my junior year
and happily graduated in 1988 w/ a degree in English and no debt. Thanks be to God.
There are a few things that you should know about me in
order to bring context to what is at the heart of what I want to share. I am fiercely independent and am hard wired
that way. The family myth is that my
first sentence was “I do it myself”.
When hospital personnel came to the waiting room to tell my mother and
me that my father was dead…needless to say, my mother was inconsolable. I have such a clear memory of watching her
break down and thinking in my mind…”I will NEVER let that happen to me.” What I meant was that I would never depend so
much on another person that my life would be undone if they were gone. At the time, I was thinking primarily about
the fact that my mother was uneducated and not equipped to do much to earn a
living…and that she had two children to raise on her own. I DID NOT mean that I would never marry. And, yet…I haven’t. And I want to share that journey with you.
My mother was raised in a large family mostly of girls and
she was the pretty one. Constantly
complemented and valued for her looks, she wanted someone to notice that she
was smart. She made straight As and
intended to go to college to obtain an English Education degree. When she gave birth to a daughter, she was
determined that her daughter would be valued for her intelligence rather than
her appearance. She succeeded and
subsequently thinks that she created a monster!
Four of my five Strengths are thinking ones after all.
I never really heard that I was pretty and by my teen years
struggled with my weight much as my father had.
As a result, I didn’t date much.
I had a few brief romantic relationships in high school and college, but
mostly I just had friends. And…most of
my friends were in serious relationships and focused on getting married by
graduation (you know…ring by spring). I
felt the pressure too. I worried that,
like Paul, I was called to a life of being single. That terrified me. It was outside the cultural norm for this
place / for this part of the country / for the church. In Paul’s treatment on marriage, sex, and
celibacy, he concludes by saying “let each of you lead the life that the Lord
has assigned, to which God called you.”
I didn’t want God to have called me to be single and yet I couldn’t
picture myself married. I knew a variety
of single adult women…two of my favorite professors here at OBU and one of my
campus ministers at my previous college.
They never talked about it so I was afraid to ask. And…my summer boss was single and bitter so I
didn’t want to talk to her about it. No
one was ever going to ask me out or want to marry me. That’s what I thought until the summer before
my senior year and I met an edgy / interesting guy named Chad. I was edgy and interesting so everyone thought
we were perfect for one another. He had
studied English and Theology (my two favorite subjects) in college before
dropping out due to debt. He fell in
love with me and pursued me. He was a
poet and a romantic and a bit of loser…but he loved me and…during J-term of my
senior year…just a mile west of here…he proposed. The first thing that came to my mind was that
no one else would ever ask. That my
friends would accept me more readily because I was normal…I was going to join
the club…get married and have a family.
After a night of deliberation and conversations with my friends, I
accepted his proposal. MAJOR WARNING
SIGN…if you need a day to think on it…perhaps, he’s not the one! :D
During the spring, the WMU RD position became vacant and I
already knew that God was calling me to work with college students. EVERYONE said that I was THE choice for the
job…a total shoe in. I applied and
thought it was just a matter of time. I
would marry…my job would provide Chad with the benefits of finishing his
education and I would begin my career in higher education at the place I loved
more than anywhere. PERFECT! Except…I didn’t even get an interview for the
job. What a BLESSING! I fear that I might have gone through with
the marriage and am certain that today…I would be divorced…possibly have had to
have raised children on my own and likely would not have been able to fulfill
God’s call on my life.
The summer after graduation as I struggled with my
relationship with Chad and with finding a job…I came to the conclusion that I
would rather spend the remainder of my life alone than spend one day married to
someone that I didn’t love. And…try as I
might…I didn’t love him. It wasn’t neat
and clean nor over immediately…but I did end it and began pursuing God’s call
on my life. I have spent the past 24
years in a vocation that God has blessed.
On three other occasions, I was involved in relationships that I thought
might be permanent. They weren’t for a
variety of reasons. The one
constant? God…and his call on my life to
devote myself fully to serving college students.
But…even a calling such as that can get out of balance
quickly. I’m wired like my dad. Work drives me. For those of you who know Strengths…I’m an Achiever. I don’t burnout easily and I can work long
and hard. And…I have for most of my
career. By the time I was 39, I weighed
250 lbs…lived on Sonic and worked all of the time. I had few truly close / intimate
relationships. Oh, I had LOTS of friends! Just check Facebook!
My mid-life crisis resulted in the realization that my
entire life was out of balance. I was
physically and spiritually unhealthy and I’m sure that impacted the quality of
work that I did…which is what mattered most to me. This isn’t the place to talk about how I did
it (for those of you who are curious or need encouragement in your own journey
towards health…come see me)…but I did commit myself to change and to improving
my physical and spiritual health. As
most of you know…cycling is my thing! It
was the vehicle to my physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual
transformation. For the first time, I
had friends that weren’t just work colleagues or former students and I had
something to do that wasn’t work. I was
more energized and more able to fulfill God’s call on my life. Two years ago…when I was at the peak of my
fitness and in such a beautiful time in my life, I was hit by a truck while on
a training ride. My face was badly
injured and I fractured my L1 vertebrae.
I was literally inches away from death.
Rather than asking God why he would allow something so terrible to
happen…I asked why he allowed me to live.
Why did he preserve my life? I
won’t ever know the answer for certain…but one thing that repeatedly came back
to me…was the calling he placed in my life when I was 19…to devote myself to
you; to college students. I find it
amazing to know that even before you were born, God was preparing me to serve
you. He has taken the chiefest of
failures; of sinners…and used her to “proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to provide for
those who mourn in Zion – to give them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of
gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a faint
spirit. [You] will be called oaks of
righteousness, the planting of the Lord, to display his glory. [You] shall build up the ancient ruins, [you]
shall raise up the former devastations; [you] shall repair the ruined cities,
the devastations of many generations.”
Know that “…He makes his sun rise on the evil and the good,
and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” What shall you do with the sun? At times it warms and causes growth. At other times, it scorches, burns, and
causes draught. What will you do with
the rain? It is necessary for life, but as
we know from tsunamis and hurricanes and floods, it can bring death. We know that God brings both to all and
while, at times, we may think that we don’t deserve the ashes, I know that we
never deserve the beauty either. It
isn’t about deserving. It’s about what
we do with all that we encounter on our journey. May you use both the blessings and curses; the
successes and the failures; the beauty and the ashes…to become all that God has
called you to be. Just as Paul said…
“let each of you lead the life that the Lord has assigned, to which God called
you.” And…in that…I believe, there is always
great joy and great beauty.
